I'm going to be honest....it's been tough on our marriage. When you are sleep deprived, you just seem to lose all your patience and communication skills. Now I really have to work hard on letting my husband Julian help and not being too tough on him. I would say to him, "I want you to help me make decisions because I'm so tired and it's exhausting to tell you what to do", and he would reply, "I'm only going to get it wrong, so what's the point?"
For example, he's not always going to remember that the reason why we put nappy on before creams is so we don't have to clean up the mess of freeflow pee all over the floor, it's ok. The important thing is that he wants to help. I still even have my moments, of when I feel absolutely useless because of all the dishes I break, the pots I burn and the shocking goldfish memory. But I gotta keep it in perspective. Yes I've got it hard, but I'm not only a mother, I'm also a wife. I've got to stop thinking "me vs him", and "why doesn't he help more?". What works for us is me giving him a list of things to do and tick off. To my surprise, he's not a mind reader and this way he actually feels useful.
Julian did find it hard connecting initially with Mr M (the eating, not-sleeping, pooping machine,) but these days, he has really started to bond with our son as his personality starts to flourish. After work when Julian gets home, his face reflects the excitement on Mr M's face and the first thing he does on Daddy duty is scooping him up in his arms for a cuddle. One night, he got home late and disappeared down the other end of the house. I wondered if he was just chilling out with his iPad, and went to look where he was. I found him in Mr M's room, in the dark, just watching him sleep, with a tiny curl in his mouth, so proud of this little wee man we are raising, and full of love and adoration.
We've definitely made leaps and bounds into giving ourselves "me" time, "family" time and "date nights".
Julian's back into playing soccer, and I also have a night off, whether it be playing volleyball or hitting the mall. We have a mutual understanding that we both need these outlets and come back to each other feeling very refreshed and revitalised.
We've looked hard for common interests to share together, including watching TV shows (latest addictions are X Factor UK, The Walking Dead and Selfie), as well as getting our creative juices going, with my graphic design and illustration, as well as his entrepreneurial ideas and dreams.
We've come a long way our family. There is still ugly crying now and again (as we've moved through introducing solids and hit the teething phase), however, we are in it together and I'm really enjoying seeing Julian getting more involved in Mr M's life.
Just to finish, here's a few of his faves that has inspired him to be all that he can be for our son.